I’m kinda doing it as a study cuz I feel like children’s books are some of the best written books out there, period. they don’t always care to follow rules they just convey emotion and I think that’s tight as hell. I wanna write like that.
imma reblog with any particularly good bits I find. masterpost for myself basically
“all the world will be your enemy, prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. but first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.”
mother of god that’s raw
“they all seem terribly sad. I can’t think why, when they’re so big and strong and have this beautiful warren. but they put me in mind of trees in November.”
such a simple ass sentence but it says so much!!!!!
“he smells like barley rained down and left to rot in the fields. he smells like a wounded mole that can’t get underground.”
I love how everyone is making spidersonas and it’s just a thing. Like no one is calling it cringy or saying to stop. It’s just like “sure. Multiverses are so infinite that that’s totes possible”
Storytime. Cooking in a different country makes you realize how many things you take for granted are just, Not A Thing Here. Like apple juice. Surely you can find apple juice at your local Athenian grocery store, right? Wrong. Greeks drink orange juice and peach juice and mixed fruit juice and sour cherry juice, but… plain old apple juice, nope, not so much. You’ll have a hard time finding vanilla extract in Greece too, since Greeks are used to vanilla powder in little plastic capsules and you have to go to specialty shops for the liquid stuff. Sour cream is virtually nonexistent here (but hey, it’s the land of yogurt, which is a good enough substitute). But surprisingly cornmeal (which is a specialty ingredient in the UK) is everywhere, since Greeks have their own versions of cornbread and corn pudding.
So basically: I knew it might be impossible find vegetable shortening (aka Crisco) for my Thanksgiving pie crust here in Athens. Crisco is pretty uniquely American, and Greeks are more likely to use phyllo than shortcrust anyway. That said, there are a handful of specialty shops in central Athens that sell things like Heinz baked beans and custard powder and Worcestershire sauce and other Weird Foreign Foods™ so us Sad Homesick Expats don’t have to go hungry (I’m always reminded of A Passage to India and their corned beef and tinned peas). So I went on Skroutz (the search engine for buying stuff in Greece) and typed in “vegetable shortening” to see if any stores carried it.
A notification came up asking me to confirm that I was over 18 years old?
???
I clicked “yes”??
Turns out there is, in fact, one shop in Athens that carries vegetable shortening. It’s a sex shop. The shortening is listed under “sex essentials”, as lube. For fisting. It’s literally called “βούτυρο για fisting” – “butter for fisting”.
I decided I didn’t need a flaky pie crust that badly.
y’all think if a customer come thru and berate the shit outta you and you just smile and say “thank you for being so patient, have a nice day” and they still call corporate on you corporate gonna be like “uh ok” and you won’t get in trouble?
lol the answer is no you still get in trouble
yeah I seen one of my niggas get written up for telling a customer to go home because they were begging to come into the store 15 minutes after we’d closed and locked the doors.
I decided from that point that if imma get written up I might as well give em a good reason for it. I’ll tell a customer to go fuck themselves idc
I got fired for telling a customer I’m specifically not allowed to open my drawer to make change from one of his bills. He then proceeded to just grab one of the bills off my keyboard while the drawer was open and angrily tell me to just give him the change, the exact amount. I said calmly “I know how to make change sir” which apparently ticked him off so much he called later curious and chewed out my manager and said he was going to call corporate. My manager asked me what happened, I explained, he CHECKED the fucking camera and verified it and said in situations where a customer snatches a bill and replaces it with another one I should just call a manager because they have no way of knowing if there’s something up with it. Then a week or so later they fired me.
Mind you the first two things I was told upon being hired were 1) you have to check IDs and if you fuck up we will fire you and you have to pay a several thousand dollar fine to the state and 2) you’re not allowed to make change if a customer asks, only as part of a transaction.
retail is probably the only occupation on the planet where a company will fire you for doing your job exactly the way they asked you to.
i really want to make a company where the customer is not always right take your dumb asses home
dbrand (a phone case/Graphic Design company) is probably the closest I’ve seen to that, they will literally tell their customers to go fuck themselves if they try throwing tantrums about product. But they’re an all-around cool company so they get away with it because most people know that’s how they are.
